Childless Doesn’t Equal Selfish

3686 days ago by | Category: Creativity, Thoughts | 0 Comments

5 Nov

I recently read an article about things not to say to your child-free friends and I haven’t been able to shake my silent thoughts. Many moms could use a refresher course on how they felt before having kids and the pressures of actually having kids.

I realize every time this subject is on the table, it’s out of the purest sincerity of that person’s heart and concern about when we’ll actually be having children. I get that, but that doesn’t mean it stings any less being forced to talk about it or having to politely change the subject. The subject alone, for any woman having difficulties conceiving, makes us uncomfortable. Hell, it’s even uncomfortable for the couple who have no desire of reproducing.

Childless Parents Vs Parent Friends

Let’s get this rant started:

1. Being a mom is the most selfless act you’ll ever do. I’m sorry does this mean I’m selfish for not being a mom yet? Trust me I get that when you wake up you have to tend to your child before you’ve removed the sleep from your eyes and taken your morning piddle. Lesson of the day: please don’t assume that I think of myself before others with every decision I make during my day.

2. Just wait until you’re a parent! Whenever this statement is said I always feel like it’s said as a form of a threat. Like I won’t know what this secret parent-code is until I am actually chasing a 9 month old just learning how to walk or worrying about my twenty-something old child going out for the night. I get that you have daily struggles that I have yet to come into contact with. I see no reason to have a competition in life on who’s more experienced.

3. The responsibility that comes with being a parent is endless. This statement also falls into the “is this a competition?” category. Why is it starting to feel as if we are constantly trying to one-up each other? I can’t help but defend myself. I actually pride myself as being extremely responsible with every decision I’ve made in my life. As a mom would do, I second-guess everything I do and ask myself if this is the best decision for my family. Sure my family is solely my husband and I, but this surely is nothing different from what a parent would do.

4. You’re so lucky you still get to sleep in and stay out late. For the record the party bus left the station a long time ago. Take me for a night out in the city and you’ll find me yawning before the clock strikes midnight. See moms we are more alike than you thought!

Child Free Parents

5. Sorry I didn’t call/text/email I just have no time. Newsflash- I don’t have all the time in the world to do those things either. We non-moms have busy lives too. Being self-employed I find myself having to structure my time strategically and wisely. Don’t parents have to do this too? Also I get that when you have those 5 minutes alone you want nothing but quiet to think about nothing. Guess what, we want that same thing too. After a long day it’s nice to have a few minutes to sit on the couch with the television off and just breathe.

6. I recently felt I could relate to a girlfriend when she was describing how she had to run her child to the emergency room because she was having troubles going potty. A flutter of excitement rose inside me, I could finally relate to something a “mom” goes through. I began to tell my story of how just two nights before my wedding day we had to rush my 7-year-old cat, Peaches, to the emergency vet, and adding the dramatics how the closest one was 25 minutes away, for having potty issues also. I felt like time stood still as she looked at me in awe and then started to laugh. “That’s a totally different thing you realize that right! That’s just a pet” she than continued with my most dreaded phrase “just wait until you have kids”. Just for the record, if we own a pet, we most likely consider them our child. My cat will sneeze and I’ll go on a 24-hour watch just to make sure it was nothing more.

Child Bearing

7. Don’t assume that I don’t want to know about your family life in thinking that I won’t have any clue what you’re talking about. Do I know what you’re going through? Nope but just remember, it is no different from when you discussed your boyfriend problems with me. I didn’t always get exactly what was going on, but I listened didn’t I? Being a mom does expose us to different social circles, but don’t exclude me simply because I can’t relate. I want to know what you’re going through, the truth is I am sometimes living vicariously through you.

I could go on and on, but my point is to simply think a bit about this subject before you blurt out your next not-so-sensitive statement to your girlfriend or couple sans child. You may not know what’s going on behind closed doors and how it’s hard to sometimes discuss, regardless of how close you are in your friendship. We are all a lot alike whether we’re the parents of a child, a pet or spouse (no, I don’t parent my spouse but we do take care of each other don’t we?)

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